Dangerous Mind

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 17:56:43 GMT

I watch the scenario play out before me; it was like a random series of actions succeeding one another. There’s really nothing for me to do or say at a time like this where the situation is beyond my grasp. I’ve caused trouble in my own way, raised a few question, if anything, about being here in this world.

About that, well what can I say really except this: I’m like a defective doll in a time and a place needs me no longer. Mother as well, I thought I should cry, I must have had a thousand tears but not a single one for her. I stopped after Gohan died and I think a piece of me is still in shock over her death which is part of the reason I’ve stepped outside of my own reality.

Running away, I guess in retrospect that’s what I’ve been doing all along, a coward that’s right I am a coward something I refuse to admit to my heart of hearts. If I can be here I can see all of them and ignore the future, my future, pretend that it doesn’t exist until I have to face it once more.

It seems that the situation I had anticipated, this peaceful post-android past, has become something I had not expected. Saiyan’s I have never seen and enemies emerging from every dark corner of this world – that’s what it appears to be. A part of me that is inherently instinctual, that minuscule part is excited by this urge to battle. My battle wrought world is without its androids and Cell, I’m grateful for that, I’m grateful.

Though it’s a deep and secret side of my being that seems to hold on to the darkness in a small, small way that still wishes my world held the excitement of battle. So maybe I’m not truly as sincere as I would like to believe, the rapist of my own morals, shameless and shameful – that secret part of me.

I can’t say the things I feel out loud, not really, I don’t even understand fully the mixed emotions I have about my own world never mind making sense of my own reasons for being here. I want to believe in my own moral and justice but that nagging voice within me seeks excitement and battle as well. Perhaps it is the voice of my soul or that epmtiness equivalent to my own exsistence.

I can’t even cry for my own mother.

In any case the scene before me certainly wasn’t the vision in my head all the voices seemed to blend together, even the violence was beyond me. As suddenly as it had all begun it ended with Vegeta flying off one way (I considered following him, but it looked like he needed his alone time). Then there was Goku who took off after the other, whom I distinctly heard call Goku "little brother." Well, what the hell, right? And finally Gohan who approached me now looking a bit dejected, this was…peculiar.

"Do you want to come with me?" When he spoke that lack of focus seemed to disappear completely, "Maybe we could talk on the way? I'll...go home later..."

I acknowledged him, this was Gohan after all, and he wasn’t looking cheery not the same Gohan I remember. Shrugging, I offer him a reassuring smile, what he did, what he’s done isn’t really my concern I’m the objective party and Gohan is a friend, "sure why not, Vegeta needs his down time...and I have a ton of questions...but I’m sure that you must have yours as well and Goku..."

A Dangerous Mind by Within Temptation

I'm searching for answers
Cause something is not right.
I follow the signs,
I'm close to the fire.

I fear that soon you'll reveal
Your dangerous mind.

It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I fear your smile and the promise inside.
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I fear your presence, I'm frozen inside.

I'm searching for answers
Not questioned before.
The curse of awareness,
There's no peace of mind.
As your true colors show
A dangerous sign.

It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I see the truth that you've buried inside.
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
There is no mercy, just anger I find.

I just have to know, while I still have time.
Do I have to run, or hide away from you?

It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I see the truth that you've buried inside.
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
There is no mercy, just anger I find.

Fri, 27 May 2005 15:13:30 GMT

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Dangerous Mind